It's almost been a week since I got fired from my job. I've been brooding about some, I suppose I really can't help it, but I'm trying to put it behind me completely. I have a few things to follow up on in the morning, but a thought occurred to me. At first, it was just an inkling, a seed of a thought, but it began to grow and now it's taken on a life of its own.

If I don't get back into full-time work soon, I could go to school full-time instead. It would mean taking out loans to pay my bills and live on, but I could finish my AS degree much faster. It would be wonderful to take the classes I need without having to stress about how I'm going to take classes that only meet during the day. The way I've counted it, I can take at least 20 of my classes at Lewis&Clark. At 3 credit hours each, that puts me right at an Associate's and junior standing at Southern Illinois Univ.

It's pretty scary to even think about giving up full-time work and living on a less-secure part-time work schedule and student loans. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. I'm not sure if it's even possible. But the thought is there and I'm getting myself used to it. If that did happen, it would accelerate my school plans by at least a year and maybe I would actually be finished with my degree before I'm 40. Not only that, but right now I don't have a lot of bills and financial responsibility so my monthly expenses are not high. It looks more and more tempting the more I think it over.

For now, I'm going to keep looking for a full-time job and see what happens with my unemployment claim. Losing my job has given me back the one thing I most lacked: time. I'm going to finish up my CLEP essays next week so I can figure out what classes I'm taking over the summer and how I'm going to pay for them. Things could be a lot worse...

I wasn't really planning on going out last night; it would have been fun to just stay home with Tony, but we ended up at Norb's with Sue, Brian, Renee and her friend Lee. She hangs out with these guys that are not her husband, that are trying to get in her pants; she stays faithful to Alex but I think she enjoys the attention, which I can totally understand because when you're married for awhile, you start to feel pretty sexless. We had a good time but stayed out wayyyy too late.

Needless to say I have a shit hangover. Brian bought me a shot of something, it tasted like crap, and made me feel like crap. T and I ended up staying in bed until 2 o'clock. I know my mom's mad at me for not coming over and helping her this morning, but there was just no way I could pack meat like this. Let alone drive all the way over there, when there long stretches without bathrooms I could stop at. I had Tony go get me a Happy Meal. You know I have problems when I want McDonald's!

We have no less than four events tomorrow. I think we're only going to fit in two though. Why can't people have their shit on different days, like Tara's family, so I don't have to decide?

I need a smoothie.

depending on how you look at it.

I'm so used to shitty birthdays. I used to dread any kind of holiday or celebration because I knew the asshole would do something to ruin it. So, having a nice birthday is a novelty for me.

Tony took me out Wednesday night to Bahama Breeze over at Chesterfield. His mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, and Jeanie and Rand all came along so that was nice. The food was great. I had grilled ahi tuna steak and coconut shrimp and two enormous margaritas. I had a good time, but the only problem was, my headache.

I've had an unbelievable, debilitating headache every single day since Tuesday. The only time it doesn't hurt is when I first get up in the morning. It doesn't hurt now so I'm enjoying an hour or so of not being in pain. I can only assume it's my allergies; I don't have any sinus drainage right now, just an intense pressure in my sinuses. I got a Z-pack so hopefully it will do something because I can't stand it. It's ruined my week. Between work and school, I don't have time to be in pain.

Tony has to work tonight, but I'm meeting my mom and Cathy this afternoon. Tara, you're invited - get a babysitter, stat! I have to work until 12. Tony got tickets for us to see Son Volt as a birthday gift for me. I'd rather see Wilco but they're not coming. :-D Most of the snobs revile me for liking Wilco better than Son Volt. Almost like the John Lennon/Paul McCartney split, hee hee.

So I'm 33. Normally birthdays depress me but this one is kind of an opportunity. I have a long, hard 5 or 6 years ahead of me - all that school, BS degree, dietetics internship, RD certification, master's degree - but at least it's forward motion. Some of the classes I'll have to take, like microbiology, are going to be difficult and when I read the curriculum I started to doubt I could handle it, but I know I can; I just have to stop thinking of myself as someone who can't do things that are difficult. I've made it this far, haven't I? And I've got a lot of things younger students don't, like determination and the fact that I can't afford to slack off; failure isn't an option because there's nowhere else to go.

Is the biological clock ticking? Well. Yeah. A little. Part of me has always wanted a child but I convinced myself it just wasn't for me. I think Tony would be a super daddy. But, that's something for the future. I'm not over the hill yet. :-)

We went out to breakfast at the GB Grill and I had eggs. Eggs are still a novelty. I haven't been able to eat them in about 15 years, but since I discovered Beano I can eat them again. Still a little stomach unease, but not the horrible cramps and gas of before. I haven't gotten brave enough to try broccoli yet though.

2 over-easy eggs
1 piece French toast
2 sausage links
hash browns (the best I've ever had)
1 piece toast

about 1/2 cup walnuts
apple
blueberry yogurt

1 garden vegetable Morningstar patty
hot dog bun
salad
about 2 tbs blue cheese dressing

It's after 9:pm and I won't be eating anymore. I might meet Tony for a drink after he gets off. I don't really feel like it, but he wants me to.

I walked King and Ybor around the neighborhood at a decent pace for about 30-40 minutes. I didn't eat a whole lot today; I promised myself I'd do better today since yesterday was such a horrible eating day, with going out to Hardee's for lunch. I've been a little hungry, but not ravenous, so maybe there really is something to this walnut thing (they're supposed to increase your sense of fullness.)

Here I am in my old journal. I've decided to use this as a food journal, so feel free to ignore my posts. I bought a book called "You On A Diet." I've heard a lot of good things about it, it was on sale, so I decided, what the hell. It promises to teach you how to correct your body chemistry, lose inches off your waist and not be hungry. It claims to not be a diet. We'll see how it works, but anyway, recording food and exercise is an awesome lifestyle tool.

I got a pretty new orange layout and I even deleted my "I'm not a lesbian but I hate men" icon, because that's actually not true now. Hee.

I've decided I really want to keep bees. It would be so fucking cool to produce my own honey and when I move out of the city, I may try to get into it.

I have an ungodly hangover.

that I should start a journal with this username. Why, I don't have any idea.